The Tory Art Movement

This poem is more of what the Tories are looking for in art. It is rustic, earthy and promotes rural values (I can even smell the cows). The poem would probably have to be edited to remove the mention of Toronto (and the word "gaily" will have to go), but other than that, it is the height of Conservative Art.

Ode on the Mammoth Cheese
(weight over seven thousand pounds)

We have seen the Queen of cheese,
Laying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze --
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees --
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivaled Queen of Cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth -- beware of these --
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek; then songs or glees
We could not sing o' Queen of Cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from balloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

James McIntyre

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Mr Sinister's Translation Service

The Tories just axed another arts program and the PMO spokesthingee used the following justification:

Kory Teneycke, the Prime Minister's press secretary, declined yesterday to address the decision to close Trade Routes, but noted that Ottawa "spends $3.5-billion on arts funding ... and is spending more on arts than did the previous [Liberal] government. In the case of PromArt, we think the [funding] choices made were inappropriate ... inappropriate because they were ideological in some cases, with highly ideological individuals exposing their agendas or [money going to] wealthy celebrities or fringe arts groups that in many cases would be at best, unrepresentative, and at worst, offensive."

Here is my translation:

"We cut this particular program because some the things funded either questioned the status quo or offended Charles McVety. Oh and by the way, we are better than the Liberals".

Say what you will about the Tories, they know their base. This will be very well received by the Blogging Tories. It's a threefer. It offends the arts elites, the media and the residents of downtown Toronto. As far as the Harperites are concerned, reactions to policy decisions don't get any better than that.

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